WHAT’S YOUR HAPPINESS FACTOR?
By Elizabeth Castelli ACC, CPC, ELI-MP January 3. 2023
Back to work, school, structure and routines after the holiday vacation. What thoughts and feelings do your routines stir up? “Ugggh! Back to work/school, etc”…. Or, are you happy to greet the day in anticipation of “what’s in store for me today? How can I make this even better?” Our happiness factor stems from the energy of our thoughts.
We all have the capacity to create our own happiness! Our thoughts determine our emotions, which affect our subsequent actions and behavior. When we feel “ughhh”, how motivated are we to jump into a project, or as we arrive at work? We feel defeated before we begin. And how much physical energy do we have as we drag ourselves through a seemingly never-ending day?
When we think, “How can I make today even better? What can I create today?” What level of engagement and motivation do we bring to a project? We welcome challenges as opportunities, seeking the learning and growing because we know that we win regardless of the outcome. We see the world and circumstances differently.
I can help you shift the energy level of your thoughts and emotions from the inside out to reach your desired goals! Are you looking for a new outlook, a re-fresh? Want to up-level your happiness? I’m here to partner with you and help you live better today! Complete the “contact me” form at www.elizabethcastelli.com or email me at ec@elizabethcastelli.com for a no obligation conversation!
Reflecting on 2022:
By Elizabeth Castelli, ACC, CPC, ELI-MP December 30, 2022
As 2022 closes, it is natural to reflect on the past 12 months and look to the incoming year. Here are some prompts to ask yourself to appreciate where you have been and where you plan to be next year. I invite you to pick a few that resonate most with you and take some time for yourself to intentionally review and create your desires!
What were your biggest challenges?
In what areas have you grown? What were the lessons?
What are your top insights this year?
What is the hardest thing you did?
What/who are you grateful for?
What are your best memories? Why?
What do you desire to leave behind?
What wisdom from 2022 will you bring forth to 2023?
What do you desire to experience?
What do you desire to do differently?
What areas of your life do you desire to enhance?
What goals and intentions are your setting?
Take time to celebrate your wins, big and small in a way that is meaningful for you! Soak in the good feelings.
What goals and intentions have you set in the past, and have yet to move forward? Create a Different NOW!
I help you develop strategy, dig into what is blocking you so you can take action on what matters most to you; and I hold your accountable! Email me at: ec@elizabethcastelli.com to learn more. I am excited to hear from you!
I wish you a Happy Healthy Successful New Year!
4 EASY TIPS FOR A CALM MIND DURING THE HOLIDAY RUSH
By Elizabeth Castelli, ACC, CPC, ELI-MP . 12/15/22
KNOW WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL AND WHAT IS BEYOND YOUR CONTROL. We can’t control what others do or say, nor can we control what happens. We can control how we perceive and respond to situations and others. Having a few aware breaths creates space so we can choose how to respond. Here lies our power, choice.
SOFTEN YOUR INNER PERFECTIONIST VOICE. What can you realistically do without burning yourself out? Remember the 80/20 rule? When we focus on reaching 80% of our to-do’s or goal, many times we realize that the other 20% can either wait until a later time, or is not necessary. Perfectionism can stem from not feeling we are enough, so we carry an unconscious need to prove ourselves good enough to others and ourselves. Know that you are good enough as you are in this moment! Stop and really allow that into your heart!
CREATE TIME FOR YOURSELF TO REPLENISH YOUR RESOURCES. This can be a 10 minute walk, or 3 aware breaths, a 15 minute nap, a cup of tea, reading something that feeds your soul, or playing with your pet. Discover the simple things that replenish your energy.
KNOW HOW TO KINDLY SAY “NO”, IN ORDER TO GIVE AND DO FROM YOUR FILLED-UP SELF RATHER THAN FROM YOUR RESERVES. Ask yourself: If I say “yes”, what am I saying “no” to? And, if I say “no”, what am I saying “yes” to? Be aware of the impact of your decisions.
When we function and give from our fully replenished self, we bring the energy of our best self to the person or task you we engaging in. It feels good and peaceful. This is how to bring enjoyment and a calm mind to your holiday preparations!
Are you spinning in perfectionism? Difficulty letting go of what you cannot control? How to replenish yourself and maintain that state? I can help. Reach out for a conversation – EC@ELIZABETHCASTELLI.COM WWW.ELIZABETHCASTELLICOACHING.COM
IS ACCEPTANCE GIVING UP?
Many people fear that accepting something is giving up or tolerating crappy circumstances. When we accept what is occurring, we are not condoning or agreeing. Accepting is simply acknowledging what is, as it is. Without judgment, without resistance, or making it anything other than it is. This opens up space for change!
What’s the cost of resisting? The mind tries to make something different than it is, or make ourselves right and the other person or situation wrong. Tara Brach notes that our biggest fear is that if we allow or accept an unpleasant emotion or situation, we will stay stuck and never move beyond. We think if we allow ourselves to feel into an unpleasant emotion, it will consume us.
She quotes Carl Rogers, “It wasn’t until I accepted myself just as I was, that I became free to change”. I remember back in the 1980’s doing inner work on feeling shame. It was heavy and unpleasant and as I tried avoiding feeling it, I set up a cat-mouse game in which the shame feeling chased me wherever I went. Only after I and faced and accepted it, did it dissolve and inner change happened.
Acceptance can be difficult. Paradoxically, it is the golden key for creating the freedom and choice to move beyond what we resist.
MIRACLES: An Everyday Occurrence?
Miracles are the unexpected, positive, serendipitous, synchronistic events that seem to come out of the blue. They are actually normal occurrences when we raise our energetic vibration, by incorporating certain practices that strengthen being present.
The present here and now is the only place where life happens. This is the key to our personal power to create miracles!
How will you know that you are raising your vibration? You will feel good – well-being and enjoyment. Your mood will feel lighter. Mentally you will experience ease with focus, attention and clarity. You will move with confidence, poise, grace and lightness. You will feel clean, clear and expanded. You will feel energized yet calm.
Some tools that increase our ability to be present include: gratitude/appreciation practice, centering ourselves with aware breaths, meditating, prayer, acceptance of “what is” and mindfulness.
Notice how past and future feel in your body. Is there tension or contraction? Notice your heart-rate. How does this thinking affect your mood?
Gratitude and appreciation create ease within. Notice how this feels in your body. What thoughts, emotions and actions do you experience after feeling gratitude? The other day, I was intentionally walking around my home with gratitude for all that I have. Later that day, a refund came to me, and an appointment was cancelled, allowing me to complete a project early and with clarity and ease!
Centering ourselves with three intentional breaths brings our awareness into body, releasing tension and stress.
When I say to myself “Be here now” or “Drop all thought”, it focuses and anchors me in the present. I cue into breath, my thoughts immediately slow down, my body relaxes, I sense the subtle vibration within body and notice spaciousness. New ideas, answers to my questions, guidance, inspiration and hunches come in from my inner wisdom.
Find what tools work best for you and use them. The more we can be in the present moment, the more we experience miracles – big and small. Start creating your miracles now! For support, contact me at: ec@elizabethcastelli.com
Gratitude
Thanksgiving - the time of year we naturally think of gratitude.
Gratitude is a sincere attitude and feeling of thankfulness. Usually, we don’t notice or have gratitude about something until it is lacking or not working. The fixture in my shower broke, and I was so grateful after I had it fixed!
As we gear up for the hectic holiday time, gratitude is an important practice that brings us instant peace of mind. It is easy to get caught up in our to-do’s and timelines …the stuff of crazy-making. We spin ourselves into exhaustion and depletion, can become short tempered easily, then feel guilty for being short with those closest to us. Stress can easily pull us into our fight/flight/freeze reactive mode. It is easy to forget that we have the choice to respond from a place of conscious choice, rather than react.
Gratitude for the mundane: a new day with new opportunities, a functioning body, our senses- vision, hearing, smelling, touching, tasting, feeling – through which we experience our world. Having gratitude for the basic things coming into contact with our senses, and our body, bring us to present moment. Gratitude for all the people in our lives. When we take the time to really feel grateful, it fills us up. It moves us over to the right brain, and elevates our vibration so we feel peace of mind and a peaceful heart. Feeling gratitude creates the space for us to respond in a way that we choose, rather than react without thinking. Gratitude changes everything!
Not only that, but as Law of Attraction states, when we focus on what we are grateful for, Universe/Source/God/Higher Power responds by sending us more of what we are grateful for…..Truly a win-win all around!
I wish everyone a heart-felt warm Thanksgiving filled with meaningful connection and laughter with your loved ones!
Discover How Harmony Can Maximize Your Daily Energy
Today’s talk is about exploring the difference between Balance and Harmony in life, the effects of both on your overall available energy; and offer suggestions to establish harmony to optimize your energy.
When I think of Balance, the image of a scale comes to mind. Balance or imbalance. All or none thinking limits our ability to see the vast possibilities that exist between the polar opposites. If imbalanced, we struggle to attain balance - a state we cannot maintain, due to the very nature of life. There are infinite variables that play into every facet of our lives, moment to moment. Things can change drastically with one phone call. The struggle to attain and maintain balance is a recipe for burnout and feelings of failure and guilt.
I remember working full time when my daughters were young. I constantly felt I was being pulled in two opposite directions. When I was giving my all to work, the kids and home life suffered. When a matter came up with the kids, I was distracted from work. Someone was always suffering. I found myself living in the middle of what felt like a daily game of tug of war, and most often I lost. I functioned in a state of exhaustion, drained, short tempered, and guilty that I couldn’t get it together. I was stressed and struggling, certainly not my best self!
Harmony has an element of flexibility and flowing with what happens in the ever-changing present moment. It reminds me of a symphony – all the moving parts playing together, each section complimenting the whole with softness, strength and variation in tempo, volume, feeling. The symphony as a whole, raises the enjoyment and vitality for all who are playing and listening. There is flow of never-ending waves of energy with harmony. It is revitalizing, healing and sustaining. Imagine living in a state of harmony, where all the facets are flowing and bringing out the best in each other. How would you experience your life in harmony!?
How can you function more in a state of harmony, flowing with what comes up during the unpredictable moments of each day?
Christine Arylo, in her book, “Overwhelmed and Over It” mentions that work and life are not 50/50. Recognize the various aspects of your life: spiritual, mental, emotional, social – all relationships, environment or living spaces at work and home, finances, fun and enjoyment. These aspects all influence our level of life force energy available to us in any given moment, whether we are at work or not. Notice where things are flowing. Where are things stagnant? Where are you stretched or stressed?
What is really important to you – at the heart level? Take time to tune in to your inner wisdom and discover what most matters to you. Aroylo mentions that we cannot engage the same level of life force energy into all the facets of life at the same time. How can we be selective, being open to notice what areas are calling us? Here we can adopt a mindset of flexibility and flow, that will allow us to respond to the present moment and prioritize.
Be willing to let go of things that are not priority.
What support or resources do you have that you may not realize, or that you are holding back on using?
Breathe some aware breaths – in the morning, through the day, and evening. This helps you connect with your inner voice and listen to its guidance for you. It will provide you with nuggets of gold!
Know that things are always working out for your highest good, even when we may not see it at that time (hindsight is 20/20).
Have fun playing with the mindset of creating harmony to see where you can be in flow and flexible. How does playing in the grey area offer you so much potential, and raise your available energy? Intend to see the opportunities for flow and creating harmony. Focusing your mindset in this way is a self-fulfilling prophecy and will bring you opportunities to flow and create harmony. You are the conductor of the symphony that is your life!
Craving the experience of harmony in your life!?
I have two spots for 1:1 coaching in December. Email me for your no-obligation complimentary call and see if we are a great fit for creating the harmony you desire!
Thank you! I appreciate you as a valued subscriber.
Noticing Your Relationship with Past, Future and Present
Notice how mind seeks to dwell in the past or future: the worry, “what-if’s” anticipating and waiting–about future…and comparison, guilt, remorse, and should’ve, would’ve, could’ve–about past, and rarely in the present. This is the normal human condition.
Caught in this pattern, we are lost in thought, carried away and mentally preoccupied with memories and anticipation without realizing these are merely thoughts. How real are these?
Years ago, I lived with regrets and “what-ifs” and reacted to my thoughts as if they had already happened. I can’t tell you how exhausting and unpleasant that was. When I began to reel in my mind to here and now, repeatedly over time, I became much more peaceful and present based.
To release the mental grip of your thoughts, realize first, that thoughts of past or future are not real. Only the present moment is real. “Now” is where Life happens. Situations do not happen in the past (memory) or future (anticipation/waiting).
When we know that we are more than our thoughts of past/future, then, we can dis-identify with the arising thoughts. Notice, and see it, without judging. ”Oh, isn’t that interesting!” Bring a curious quality to your noticing. In noticing that the mind goes to stories of past or future, we gradually discover some space and lightness around it. The mind lessens its grip as we become more objective by observing. It is a palpable shift in our energy. In dis-identifying with past and present, we become more present, and our awareness expands.
Gradually, you will have awareness of your thinking as you think the thoughts. This, in combination with bringing mind back to the task at hand with care and attention will begin to strengthen living in present moment. Then a whole new perspective opens up to experience. Contact me at ec@elizabethcastelli.com to learn more.
Six Easy Steps to Bring Meaning to Your Day!
Most of us skim hastily from task to task, doing what is required while our mind is fixed on the next thing to do or place to be. We are future tripping with our mind way ahead of our bodies. We will never get it all done, because the routines and responsibilities will always be there. We end up feeling drained by mid-day, forcing ourselves to make things happen and push through the rest of the day. Overwhelm and exhaustion are a guaranteed result!
Here are some easy to apply measures to bring deeper meaning to your day. It is mostly small shifts in how we do what we do!
Do what you do with Care and Attention. Be fully present with the task in front of you – with your complete attention, and with care. See what you are doing as your sole purpose in that moment, rather than something to “get through” in order to do the next thing. When making coffee, make coffee. Getting dressed, pay careful attention to each article of clothing you are putting on. Tying your sneaker laces. Be there with your mind as you perform each task, not just your body. An old Buddhists saying: when chopping wood, chop wood; and when carrying water, carry water.
Focus on Sensations: What sensory input is being activated? Be with that and enjoy it! What do you see, smell, feel, hear, taste as you make the coffee, and sip it, or eating a meal. Savor the experience. This is where the richness and depth come to you. What senses are stimulated when you take a walk in the crisp Autumn air?
Slow Down! Slowing down allows us to Be while we Do. So, we are both human Beings as we are human Doings. The Meaning comes from BEING with what we are doing, rather than racing through without any sense of awareness or care and attention.
Breathe! Breathing with awareness brings us to present moment. Presence is where Life is. We can only be here and now. Future and past cannot be experienced. They are only concepts for psychological time reference.
Have Gratitude: For the things we don’t usually think of being thankful for (our life, body, legs carrying us everywhere all day every day. Family, relationships, health, peace of mind, contentment, our life sustaining planet, the solar system, in perfect balance and precision to maintain life here.) We have opportunity to feel gratitude moment to moment, each day. Having gratitude brings us to the present moment, where inner peace lies.
Be comfortable saying “no” when it serves you. Offer soft boundaries from a place of loving empowerment. Become aware of when we tend to over-give and over-extend ourselves, to avoid overwhelm, exhaustion, resentment and subsequent guilt/remorse for feeling resentment.
Implementing these small changes can have impressive results. You may find yourself in flow with enjoyment, actually having the sense that you are getting so much more accomplished in less time, and without as much effort. Ideas new possibilities can flow to you, because your mind is not cluttered with racing.
This is not about changing what we do. It is merely altering HOW we do what we do that creates impactful and energizing results. You may choose one or more of these and experiment or play. Discover what can open up for you! I’d love to hear your results! Feeling the calling to do some deeper work? email me at ec@elizabethcastelli.com
Vulnerability and Intimacy, What's the Difference?
What is the difference between Vulnerability and Intimacy?
Vulnerability is taking a risk. Brene Brown describes vulnerability as having the courage to show up and be seen. It is revealing ourselves as we see ourselves.
Vulnerability creates intimacy…And what is that? Intimacy is closeness, a connection that develops with sharing, and taking the risk to share about ourselves.
Often when we hear of intimacy, we think primarily of physical intimacy. There are other aspects of intimacy: emotional, intellectual, experiential, and spiritual intimacy. Acamea Deadwiler speaks about the six types of intimacy:
Physical intimacy is physical touch that may be sexual or not.
Emotional intimacy includes talking about your emotions - deepest fears, concerns, disappointments, strong emotions as well as the pleasant emotions, and having the feeling of being heard, seen, understood and in a safe space. Judgement and comparison are absent, and confidentiality is respected.
Intellectual intimacy involves sharing thought provoking conversation, discussing a book, as well as sharing your beliefs.
Experiential intimacy is having shared experiences, that lead to private memories and inside jokes that are bonding. (cooking, vacations, dates, etc.)
Spiritual intimacy occurs when you and your partner share meaningful moments together: watching a sunset, sunrise, hiking together in nature, anything that allows you both to sense a power greater than yourselves; a common spiritual practice or religious practice, whatever is meaningful to you as a couple.
Neither person needs to be right or superior. Each person's beliefs, differences and viewpoints are respected, and each person feels heard. In these places, we get to be vulnerable, open up and share ourselves and create depth and enrichment for both parties.
Inquiries for you to ponder:
How vulnerable are you in your relationships?
What is blocking you from being vulnerable in certain relationships?
What is needed for you to feel safe enough to be vulnerable?
Are you feeling the level of intimacy in your relationships that is satisfying to you?
What can you do to increase your vulnerability, and experience a deeper level of intimacy?
Feeling Stuck? Are you Tolerating empty or unsatisfying relationships?
I help you have the fulfilling relationships you crave.
I am interested to hear what you are experiencing, and what change you wish to create. Email me: ec@elizabethcastelli.com to have a conversation…
Achieve Giving with Balance
Giving and serving others can feel good and is a high-level energy. The opportunity for mindfulness is knowing whether there is harmony in giving to yourself and others.
Giving includes caring, nurturing, supporting, helping others, fixing, and having compassion. Giving can involve inspiring those around you, and really caring for the causes that are important to you. When we think of giving, we typically think of giving to others. We give to our partners, children, grandchildren, families, friends, communities, businesses and jobs. This can be very gratifying.
Sometimes, we can give to the point of tipping the scales in the direction of taking on too much. This can look like over-caring, over-giving and over-extending ourselves. The result is that we can drop into overwhelm, exhaustion, burn-out and feel completely depleted. We may even feel resentment and blame (ourself or others). We lose the gratitude, and giving no longer feels good.
I was recently helping a family in crisis, and I gave of myself, ignoring my inner body signals to take a break, hydrate and eat. Working through my inner wisdom, I felt a migraine building…my head hurt, my thinking became cloudy, body felt tired, my mood became irritable and I began to feel resentful. When I honestly look at myself and take full responsibility for my actions (or lack of), I did not express my need for a break and to eat and hydrate. If I had stopped and replenished in the moment, I could have created more sustainable act of giving, and we all would have benefitted.
When we think about giving, the harmonizing aspect is in giving to yourself. Self-care, self- compassion, self-acceptance, self-awareness and more. This requires knowing what is important to us.
Making a regular commitment to yourself and identifying your non-negotiables for self-care allow you to give to others from an overflowing cup.
For me, meditating has helped me tune into the nuances of my energy (mental, emotional, spiritual, physical), so that I now sense the slightest dips in my energy, and respond to replenish them. It is quick and easy when I respond in the moment, and I experience resilience and flow in whatever comes up.
What ways can we replenish ourselves?
Pause
Meditation
Breathwork
Centering exercise
Mindfulness practices
Nap
Loving boundaries
Tune into your wise self/heart center/intuition. What is the message you receive? Take aligned action on that message.
Physical Movement: walk, hike, yoga, pilates, dance, work-out, etc.
Hydrate, improve your nutritional intake.
Music
Art
Connect with a supportive friend
Reading
Some things to consider:
How well do you give to yourself?
Are you last on your list? If something unexpected occurs, do you fall off your list?
Do you wait until you feel empty or do you sense into yourself, feeling your reserves dipping and replenish yourself on the spot, in that moment?
How does it feel to remedy and give to yourself early on?
How do you develop that sensitivity to know you are dropping in to your reserves?
How well do you set loving boundaries and take time for yourself?
What happens when you don’t?
There are so many possibilities available to us so we don’t drop into depletion or burn-out. Imagine giving from a place of being already filled, and knowing when and how to give to yourself to maintain your replenished state! Everyone benefits when we make self-care a part of our being. We can be present for others in a way that feels satisfying to us. You will know your are giving in balance when you will feel energized and good inside.
Contemplating diving deep into what self-care is, getting strong with new self-care practices, shifting out of patterns of over-giving or co-dependence?
Reach out to me at: ec@elizabethcastelli.com or www.elizabethcastelli.com
Wholeness: Embracing All of Who We Are
Why do I talk about embracing all feelings and beliefs, even the strong and challenging ones? We’ve been taught to run from pain to pleasure. The truth is, we can’t run away from our mind and emotions.....we simply drag our insides with us, wherever we go!
When we dive in deep and see that, many times, the cause of shame, pain, hurt, fear or anxiety is already done and past. The mind can drag these emotions or memories forward, as a trigger (to protect us), and it becomes the subliminal lens through which we see our current life experience. Our current life becomes overshadowed by our past. We are simply not aware that this is playing out in our everyday experiences. We live, constantly seeking fires and putting out fires that happened decades ago. This prevents us from being present, seeing what is with fresh eyes, acting from an empowered and loving place. We stand in our own way, and haven’t a clue.
When we embrace those challenging emotions and beliefs - and sit, breathe, feel, touch them, they eventually lighten, dissipate, break up and transform in the light of awareness.
Shining the light of awareness shifts the energy of that emotion and we feel lightness, clarity and freedom. I remember an eye-opening experience, when I developed a groove of being present with heavy emotions. I noticed that the intensity of challenging emotions I sat with, became the same intensity and depth of peace, happiness and self awareness that I experienced. This is part of living in wholeness and harmony. It was a process that organically evolved as I did my work.
So, embracing these shadow aspects of self open us up to all of who we are. Without expending energy by avoiding and suppressing aspects of ourselves, we have more available energy to put toward actualizing our goals, deepening our relationships, and having richer life experiences. What we are capable of expands. We see vast possibilities, we are in the flow and things seem effortless. Life gets thrilling!
What’s holding you back from being and having all that you desire? You deserve to live in wellbeing and joy, from the inside out!
If you are feeling curious what this work is about, feel free to contact me at: ec@elizabethcastelli.com and we can have a conversation!
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